I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while now, but I’ve been up to my eyeballs with working. (I should have made time if I feel so strongly about it…yes I know) But here we are..
As per my usual weekly ritual, i bought Grazia magazine and got sitting down to read it through and through. I came across this article by writer Sophie Culinane.. and frankly I was utterly perplexed for days.
The jist of the article said that women have accepted this new “Hook-Up” culture and more so, that they want it. She highlighted that women have become so aspirational in their careers (which is great!) that they’re happy to compartmentalise their lives into the following; Work for fulfilment and stability, friends for emotional support and hook-up guys for flirting, sex and fun.
I totally agree with her that this has become the norm but am I the only one who disagrees and wants it to change before it goes too far and romance and dating disappears? It got me thinking though, why is it that it’s become so popular? I remember a time when there was a name for girls who entered into this kind of arrangement and it wasn’t a desirable one at all.
Im part of a generation where the thought of a guy wanting to take you out for dinner or drinks has rendered us completely bewildered. We smother ourselves with reasons not to because we don’t know how to deal with the situation as its probably rarely, or never, happened to us before. (I’ve talked to girls, in their mid-twenties, about this and some of them told me that they have never EVER been on an actual date.) I think another aspect to this becoming a more regular occurrence is because women have decided that the risk of rejection and heartbreak if it was to go tits up isn’t something they wish to expose themselves to, and if they accept an arrangement of ‘no strings attached hook-ups’ , they save their hearts, becoming an emotionless shell. But we weren’t made to behave this way. We are hardwired to be irrational and emotionally unbalanced women…thats just the way it is.
On the other hand, poor men. Finally building up the courage to ask a girl out and she may or may not accept because she doesn’t know what way to act about it. This is, I think, the reason why dating has fizzled out. Men just got to the point where they also get a fear of rejection and its pushed them to the point of not having the courage to approach a girl at all. So that created the culture of them now going out, getting absolutely sloshed and kissing a girl in the corner of some seedy club and hoping that it will end in sex ( and MAYBE a phone number.) I’m not going to put all the blame on men because that’s not the point at all. It doesn’t help that girls are constantly being exposed to attractive, buff and aspiring men on the internet and that can sometimes plant expectations in our minds. I think girls have started a mental check list in their heads before they even give a guy the time of day (I’m of course adding myself to the bunch..I could rhyme off the first 3 things that needed to be present in a guy before I gave him a second glance!)
It’s a combination of the two really, men need to get over the fear of rejection and grow some balls and ask a girl out (or at least ask for their phone number..) and women need to drop their superficial guards and giving guys a chance. (Or else the next generation are totally screwed!)
So I’m saying ladies, don’t let this become the norm. Bring back romance and dating and all the exciting fun elements. Because I’d rather replace the thrill and shame of a one night stand for the excitement, enjoyment and the actual feelings that come with actually getting to know someone new and seeing where it goes..